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Consent

Consent is the fundamental building block of our community, and an essential ingredient for any sex positive event. Our Consent Policy outlines what we expect from you, and what you can expect if you report a consent violation to Hacienda.

Definitions

Consent

  • An agreement between participants to engage in a specific activity.
  • Confirmation that everyone involved in an activity is able to give their OK, understands what's going on, and consciously and willingly chooses to engage in that activity throughout the activity..

Consent Violation

  • When someone crosses another person's boundaries.
  • When an action was not agreed to in advance or occurred after consent was withdrawn.
  • Violations may occur accidentally or intentionally, with or without malice.

Consent Policy

It is your responsibility to practice consent – to ask before touching someone, to pay attention to their body language, to check-in. It is also your responsibility to decide whether or not to give permission to someone when they ask you to do something. If you are unsure, it’s best to err on the side of caution and say “no”—firmly and clearly. You can always change your mind later.

At our events, we require everyone to obey the following rules:

  • Don't touch without verbal permission.
  • Negotiate the scope of your activities.
  • Have a conversation about what you're going to do before you begin to play. Whether you are playing with one person or a group, find out what everyone's boundaries are and make sure you understand their limits.
  • State your own boundaries clearly, and if necessary, negotiate a "safe word".
  • Relying on non-verbal communication can lead to misunderstandings and consent violations. Consider phrases such as: I'd like to do _____, would you like that?
  • Make sure, to the best of your ability, that your partners can give valid consent.
  • Don't proceed if you have doubts about someone's ability to make decisions they will feel good about later.
  • If your partner hesitates, acts unsure, or appears to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol, stop and wait until they are in a more stable frame of mind.
  • Consent can be withdrawn at any time.​
  • You can always ask your partner to stop at any time, or ask them to do something else instead. Just because you agreed to do something earlier doesn't mean you have to do it now.
  • During play, check in regularly to make sure your partner is content with what's happening. If they change their mind or want to stop, respond gracefully and comply right away.

Education & Safety

Hacienda takes several proactive measures to educate attendees about our consent policy:

The rules are clearly stated in event invitations and attendees are required to accept them before purchasing a ticket.
First time guests of play parties must attend a mandatory orientation session.

Guests are reminded of the event rules and consent policy at the door.

Easily identifiable Guardians are present and available throughout the party.

Making a Report

If you experience a consent violation at a Hacienda event and would like to report it:

  • Tell a Guardian at the event or complete this form:
  • Incident Report Form
  • If possible, it’s helpful to tell a Guardian at the event so they can address and correct the behavior.
  • Understanding that it’s not always possible to report in the moment, we ask you make your report as soon as possible so timely action can be taken.
  • We request that all reports be made directly by the person who experienced the consent violation.
  • A member of the Hacienda Consent team will reach out to you.
  • They will let you know that we received your report, gather more information if needed, and keep you updated on next steps and the outcome.
  • If you would like for us to follow up with the other person and take action, it may be necessary to share details about the incident. These details may reveal your identity. We will discuss this with you before sharing your identity or details that would reveal your identity.
  • Outcomes
  • After a report is made, we reach out to both parties to gather more information and hear directly from the people involved.
  • We will evaluate the situation, considering facts, feelings, intention, and response. We value a willingness to learn, improve, and take responsibility for harm caused, even if unintentional.
  • We employ several outcomes starting with a verbal warning. If we believe further education is needed, we will provide resources and may require proof of efforts made. Sometimes these efforts require a temporary pause on attending parties to reflect and improve. For very serious instances, or cases where we don't believe the person to be a safe guest of Hacienda, we will institute a permanent ban.
  • Members who bring guests that violate consent will also have their ability to refer members, bring guests, and be part of Hacienda questioned and evaluated.

Disclaimer: Hacienda will make every reasonable effort to enforce this policy, but Hacienda cannot guarantee its ability to do so. Each situation is distinct and will be reviewed on a case by case basis. All participants and attendees shall retain full, sole responsibility for their safety and the safety of others with whom they interact.

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